I’ve been mulling about how to end this year on the blog. I find myself going back to the beginning, only the beginning of 2017 was filled with uncertainty and fear and I’m ending it resonant and glowing. Polar opposites. How could it completely flip?
During Christmas vacation 2016 I felt a walnut sized lump on my neck. It would take a few weeks before my ultrasound came back with low risk for cancer. In the interim I was upset, scared and felt alone.
I knew it meant something deeper was surfacing. Our bodies don’t lie and mine was telling me enough is enough, now’s the time… Only I didn’t know how many more seconds, days or years would abound. And no heart-felt words from others seemed to help. It was a mini journey I needed to take by myself.
In the moments of not knowing what would happen, I made a pact with myself. The fear of what stirred and held me back, paled in comparison to not finally fully stepping into my whole self and sharing my walk of life.
We all have a walk of life that helps others. We all have impact with our daily sharing as the person we already are when we let ourselves be.
Rather than take you simply on a connect-the-dots manner through my year, because your dots are and will be different, I prefer to share how I connected my dots, too. That’s something universal.
If I were to look back to help with where I’m headed in 2018, the biggest realization, thanks to facing my own mortality and wrestling with my spirit, was the feeling of regret if I never finished the events set in motion the moment I began to write Glow – the YA Urban Fantasy novel I’ve been writing since 2009.
What did I change in 2017? I finally, and fully, chose me.
That may sound odd, but in this walk of life there are two wills, two selves, that vie for your attention, awareness and action.
There’s the self that’s created during your life here, it’s outer and very much concerned with keeping you where you’re at: safe, small and bathed in the known. It’s a follower of others’ connected dots, wanting the path to success and realized dreams paved from another’s journey.
Then there’s your inner or true self. This self has different desires: to help you grow and become as you connect back to your soul, it guides you along the edge of ease as your gifts surface and you find your way – expanding in being (inner self) that is then filtered into your doing (action), and this self is connected to the known on a much grandeur scale.
It’s our conscious minds that need to catch up and understand the language. It doesn’t use words or connect dots in the same logical or linear manner. You don’t have to tap in or open to receive. You already are but likely aren’t paying attention or shush’ing it as you don’t understand what is trying to be communicated.
In 2018 I plan on sharing online in an eCourse/community, and in person, how I’ve come to understand and tap into this language. It’s one of my gifts that I hope to share. It begins with intuition. That’s how I connected my dots all the while, choosing me and my inner self as the guide.
To choose me, meant trips to Mexico for a recharge and sunlight, to Nashville for music and time with my sisters, to LA for an Immersive Mastermind and Vegas for a conference with 12,000 other entrepreneurial women.
It meant starting a business (huge step for me). Learning/fiddling with Mailchimp and Squarespace as I begin to create a website with my amazing friend and website designer Brianne at Brightly and Co. I even had the help from another friend, and virtual assistant, Stacy Millican with templates, automation and admin for the FB group.
It meant taking Launch Mastery and Product Launch Formula courses along with Money Mindset Bootcamp and eCourse creation classes. I’m a forever student :)
It meant opening up to let others in closer (I’m working on not keeping folks at arm’s length). It meant sharing my story with those that wanted to hear (from new friends to men in taverns, seriously!)
It meant following the visions that appeared in my mind’s eye and following it to fruition with my first online email challenge and private Facebook Group: Forty Mornings.
It meant realizing that Glow is a parallel narrative with the male and female angels weaving their story into one. And that I needed to rewrite half the book (oof, is right!) But the editor I’m working with is helping me along with the stack of business cards I have waiting for the final manuscript.
It meant finally starting to teach and share the lessons I’ve lived and learned. The ones only I can teach as they’re born to and through me.
In choosing me I crushed a previous context of self. So that I could emerge. And it’s that whole of me that’s heading into 2018, unsure of all the steps, but knowing where I plan to be with each day spent.
If there’s anything I can share to help, it’s not only the specifics for which I trod the past 365 days. It’s to let you know that the way I traveled is different than most.
I didn’t hustle and grind 2017. I flowed with my inner GPS activated and in charge and it took me from fearful and stuck to courageous and glowing as I set the path to my dreams ablaze with alignment and action. I also let go of things that no longer served me.
What would choosing you mean in 2018? Are you ready to listen in?