I’m sitting here at my dining table sipping coffee through a straw because it’s too painful to press my lips to the side of the coffee cup. My lips have swollen three times their size.


I’ve had this happen before. I get super stressed, which causes a canker sore which gets infected and spreads to both lips. I end up looking like a woman who recently received lip fillers only I have a few lesions on top of the stuffed-sausage look.


The last time this happened, I was given the news I had to rebuild about 17 Neonatal Intensive Care (NICU) Order sets within a month. I’m a pharmacist, among many things, and build medication orders for the hospitals in my region. NICU orders are for itty bitty babies born prematurely. They often have complications and need extra special care.


The stress for that was understandable. Compound that with the fact I was leaving soon after the NICU would open on a trip to Thailand so if any issues arose, I’d be gone.


I normally can handle my stress well, but there can be times it spins out of control and I reap the negative benefit.


This time? This time it’s not only stress for work or home life. It’s the addition of the “how” in putting a launch, eCourse and all the necessary bits and pieces together to have a flawless and ease-filled process.


The thing is I’ve never done this before and systems and processes, when they don’t relate to EPIC -the Healthcare computer system I work in- I get overly stressed wanting to understand it all.


I then realize there are exactly 10000 ways to do it and while I only need to pick one, the possibilities swim around in my head. And I think about it. And think about it. And think about it.


Thoughts can be the path to amazing realizations or it can be a loop where you keep repeating the same over and over again.


I’ve leaned on my intuitiveness to help guide me through this whole process from writing a story to seeking to understand myself and the world as it abounds. I’ve sought to understand how I know things about myself and others. How I can feel so much.


I’ve studied spirituality, New Age practices, religion and how they’re more alike that different.


I meditate, sometimes. I breathe deeply, eat well and move my body. I check for resonance with things and observe versus react.


And yet, mastering all of these or having the awareness of these, doesn’t always deflect the inevitable thought storm coming my way.


While I was flowing with the what, the when and even the steps to prepare me and aligned with the changes and decisions I needed to make in my life to create space for what I wanted to create.


When it came to the how… I misplaced my trust, my faith, my openness to receive the steps for a bit.


Even while I was still guided as I naturally figured out IG stories, and oracle card readings (more on that later) . She was still there helping me even though consciously I was having my own little battle.


There are phrases like upper limiting or self-sabotage. And I’m sure some would categorize these events as such. Well, not the NICU part as I wasn’t trying to step into a new role or aspect of life and myself. That was work and the vice like grip and pressure I can put on myself.


This time, it is a HUGE step for me + the vice like grip and pressure I put on myself. And when I have events like this I wonder, “Why in the hell would anyone want to be guided by me when my own stressful thoughts can get the better of me?”


The truth is, it’s the folks who know my intuitive nature, my ability to connect deeply within myself and within others to bring forth all that’s calling, nudging or asking you to show up and be yourself in life who also simultaneously see how I, too, am walking this life side-by-side and soul-to-soul that I want to draw towards my offerings.


The folks who can simultaneously see my virtues and my flaws, my divinity and my humanity… those are the folks I’d love to guide.


Because the moment we lose sight of being human, it is the moment we lose part of our self that is just as true as our spirit or soul.


The image in this post is from New Year’s Day. It’s my daughter riding her scooter into the light.


If you’re curious how to move from the dark towards the light, to emerge, and understand that I am walking this path by your side, connected in soul. I’m the guide for you.


Stay tuned as I’ll be sharing more about Divine Fusion and how to sign up for my beta course beginning in February in the weeks to come.