A Constellation of Men
Posted on February 22, 2017
I’ve been single (divorced) for most of my thirties. That fact can hit my heart with a thud and almost, make me take pause to seek what’s wrong with me.
But, I know better.
Ladies or gentleman are you single and out there looking, still?
Don’t take it as a failure. Reframe it: You’re distilling with each encounter down to the particular elixir of man or woman that’s just right for your taste.
Do you know what you want? Do you have past relationships that still filter through your mind? Do you have “what if’s” floating about?
Sift through the characteristics, the good parts that stuck with you, for the bright shining beacons of what it is that drew you in; that magnetic force that still results in you locked in his/her gravitational pull.
Don’t text/call/email him or her though. We often hold onto the man or woman rather than the experience of being with him or her. There’s a powerful distinction.
Think of it this way: Don’t fall in love with the one playing the music, fall in love with the music. For the one for you will strike every chord within your heart, simultaneously, and your combined resonance will draw you two together in the dalliance of love.
All preceding relationship or dating experiences are clues. All form a constellation of the man or woman you seek.
It’s been two years since my last Dating after Divorce piece; I figured I’d give an update and close the loop.
Because, I’m ready to call him in.
I could take the lack of sealing the deal with the previous men as a sign of failure, except I know that each one has shed light on characteristics I’m desiring in a life partner. Each one a precious, often divinely muscled and expressive, gift from the universe delivered to me to try on for size.
Last time I introduced the French75. Thinking of him still makes me smile. He’s fluent in French and knows how to expertly whisper the romance language in your ear, melting you instantly. As a former pro athlete every plane is sculpted perfection and hard. Mmmmhmmmm. I did just say that ;) When our time came back around again, he lives on the opposite coast, I was 600 miles away. I took it as a sign from the Universe that our time had passed. We had our eclipse. He’s a king of a man and through my experience with him I went from princess to Queen as I learned to trust my nature and grow into the cosmic crown upon my head. I learned I enjoy being serenaded, especially if the song is Thinking Outloud and that accents are an added benefit in someone who can follow my queues and meet me in each new twist or turn as I soar taking him for a ride, he always meeting me by my side.
The French75’s wise words (said to me): Keep being human and imperfect. Keep learning from yourself and living for what you enjoy. Talk shit, have fun, live life. Let’s live it together even if a moment in time. Life’s short, make it sweet (and spicy <– my add)
Then there was the Man with the Sleeve Tattoo. He introduced me to Bird Courage, the band, and a new venue in my hometown. The music was amazing, Blind in Both Eyes resonated deeply but the vibe between the two of us never settled in. I learned that tattoo sleeves are a major plus but chemistry is a prerequisite for subsequent anatomy lessons.
Then came the Musician with the Return to Saturn Tattoo (yes, tattoo is a theme). He had just finished a 6-hour tat session but powered through intent to meet me at the perfect dive bar: Ickabods. He filled me in about the symbolism of the Return to Saturn: Every 27-29 years the Saturn returns to the same place occupied at your birth, ushering in change, shifts and obstacles. He is strong, plays the bass + a curious mind; the perfect canvas for such an homage to this celestial event and while we may have been bewitched beneath Ickabod’s aquiline visage, kissing endlessly until the clock struck midnight, it didn’t translate longterm. He wanted to be too close too soon. I wasn’t ready for that intimacy = in-to-me-you-see.
If a man or woman doesn’t effortlessly follow your queues, and you his/hers, then it likely won’t work. There is an ease in relationships. This doesn’t mean it’s easy but a natural comfort and you just know.
The next notable star in this constellation is Superman. He is the tallest man I’ve ever met at 6’9” and, quite literally, could sweep me off my feet and hold me suspended in the air. Le sigh. I’d never been physically swept away by a man, mainly because I never allowed it. But he surprised me and I liked it. While discussing the dating totems of the turtle vs octopus, I mentioned I was the turtle… in that I often plop back into my shell rather than reach out like an octopus to connect with men. Over cocktails, at another amazing dive bar, we discussed our pasts, what we each desire in our future and he schooled me in that I’m not a turtle, but a damn lioness; sexy and lithe with my intentions rather than a timid reptile. Through my shared moments with him, he helped unearth my inner, unapologetic, vixen and helped me relax rather than white-knuckle each passing moment; to let go and allow myself to be swept up with the flow. He is a tiger, but I await my lion man.
Then came the Canadian Hip Hop dancer who creates Sacred Geometry Art. He was more of a spiritual connection and friend, one I needed to realize that men can meet me in my truth as a mystic, healer and spirit guide. He was open to testing out some of my extrasensory abilities and rather than shy away, he came closer. He taught me how to create the Flower of Life, which, to this day, is a way for me to center and calm myself, connecting with the language of light. He has a symbolic character in Glow, Blu, and created a few pieces of art for my home, sharing his energy with me.
Then came the Philosopher. I was literally eating fried chicken and sipping Chardonnay at my favorite bar when he floated into my life. I had just finished a meditation centered on opening my heart. Right after the session I sent a wish to the Universe asking for someone to connect with. My friend met him first and felt he was a good fit. We instantly bonded and would dissolve into deep conversations about the soul, love, astrology, desire and the experiences that shaped us but don’t define us. We’d surface from such amazing conversations to kiss and explore; getting to know each other. It. Was. Magical. The first date we ended with our hands intertwined discussing energy, the law of attraction and how all that we can’t see filters through us, nudging us in the direction to move, to grow, to expand and become… attracting the life we desire. He stirred the mystic feminine in me, I faced my fear of vulnerability and rather than turn away and harden, I softened.
Then came Mr. Friday, he earned that moniker mainly because we always seemed to get together on Fridays. We bonded over our mutual love for Rilke and the fact I like to skip surface chatter and get to the juicy bits. Our first date was spent huddled over a tiny table at the Secret Society sipping cocktails as he filled me in on his spiritual awakening. I was floored at his candid reveal. People just don’t talk about these things in person… and even more rare for a man, in person, in my experience. He, too, is fluent in French and spends his off-time building houses for the homeless. He helped me to be more open and bold with my experiences and gifts. He helped me see that we forge deeper connections when we meet people at a soul level and that we should always remember humility and selflessness.
Don’t be afraid to get out of your comfort zone and allow things to flow. Let yourself be swept up and softened. Allow others, when the moment is right, to see the whole you as you bare your soul.
Through this all, there’s been one man I return to, because he anchors my heart. He has many nicknames, but for the purposes here we’ll call him Mr. Mystery. On one hand I feel I know well, on another hand, I feel I don’t know him at all. He’s a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma. He and I share a special spiritual connection and through my experiences with him I know my capacity for love. He set the bar high for the emotional intimacy and deep spiritual alignment I require with a man. While he can’t meet me where I need as life partner in life, because of our relationship, I’ll know when the man who can arrives. If I’m totally honest… part of me hopes it’s him one day that walks over the threshold, but the whole of me is grateful for the friendship that remains, above all else. He’s the Abby to Anachel and the Grayson to Lux in Glow.
Sometimes you just have to open your tight grip and let love free, and if it returns it was meant to. And if it doesn’t, tuck it in your heart and wear as your locket of love for to love and be loved is enough.
If I were to piece together these qualities and characteristics, while I call it a constellation of men, the truth is they’re reflected in me. As I opened up to each one, I was finding myself, finding the various pieces of me needing integration for me to attract the man I seek.
Once I finished putting her together, my vibe will attract him. My ability to look in the mirror of men and love the dormant parts of me as they surfaced, sends ripples into the universe resulting in the same flowing back like a boomerang.
One day, I’ll turn around and there he’ll be, right next to me.
Will he have tattoos? Will he speak another language? Will he sweep me off my feet or nudge me to open up further and bare my soul? Will I soften and embrace my feminine in presence of the masculine I seek? Will I find my lion man?
I know it to be so.
He’s close, I can feel it, but just what and how he embodies such star qualities depends on how the dots are connected and I can’t wait for that reveal.