Posted on December 19, 2016
Sitting here in my socks eating a new concoction: potatoes, kale, shallots, olives, Dijon and S&P + a few watermelon radishes for a bit of spunk and bite.
I’ve been busy: writing Ryan Gosling memes like “Hey girl…or is it nasty woman?”, planning my trip to DC for the Women’s March, attending George Balanchine’s Nutcracker with my daughter, selecting photos for the yearly family calendar, holiday happy hour, drinking hot cocoa while yelling “Christmas Lights” with my daughter as we drive around town, decorating dozens of sugar cookies and snuggling with my daughter reading christmas books amidst the twinkle light glow. Life is good.
Last night after she left to spend Christmas with her dad, she has New Years with me, I sat down at my kitchen table and put my hand on my neck.
Not sure why.
I was surprised to feel a walnut sized lump on the right side.
My sister, a doctor, palpated and said, “either your thyroid or it kind of feels like your esophagus has shifted. Don’t freak out, if it doesn’t resolve by Monday go see your doctor.”
It could be nothing. It could be anything.
I’m a pharmacist, I know the importance of not freaking out until the facts are in.
But I googled enlarged thyroid.
My mind needed to take in all the possibilities so I could prepare for the worst. I shed a few tears. Sometimes it sucks to completely understand medical terms: Hashimotos, hypothyroid, cancer.
But I feel fine, other than the lump.
Then I googled, metaphysical implications of thyroid issues. To be honest, I wasn’t surprised with the result:
“If you are not recognizing or following the intuitive wisdom coming from your psychic abilities, you are in effect cutting off a part of yourself. You are not allowing yourself to do what you truly want to do… not honoring your intuition can also show up in other areas of your body, but if you are having thyroid problems, you might want to explore your psychic abilities.” ~Misa Hopkins
I shove my intuition and knowing aside more often then walking down the unbeaten path I’m nudged towards.
I so often know but turn away.
Why do we do that with the truth? With what we really want to do?
I immediately went through everything that’s been coming to me but I’ve put off or pushed down. I resolved I won’t do that anymore.
I can’t. It’s making me sick.
I so wholeheartedly believe in the body, mind + spirit aspects of disease. I also believe in the power of belief and how that affects our shaping of reality.
I used to believe that I needed to win over the disbelievers in standing in my truth and sharing my story.
I’ve had some doozy experiences. I still do, actually and they’re not perfectly packaged or practical. They’re blow-your-mind-wide-open-and-rearrange-the-molecules-of-your-being type of experiences.
They’re also fit for me while traveling down my life path.
It won’t be the same for you, you have your path riddled with symbols and meaning, but the essentials are the same: we’re connected, to each other and the vast universe that is. We are greater than the sum of our parts. We all desire to love and be loved. To be seen and heard for nothing else than being who you are when you let yourself be.
It wasn’t until having pivotal convos this year that I realize I’ve been wasting energy and time worrying about the naysayers rather than showing up for those waiting for me as I step into my purpose: being me.
One’s purpose is to simply be yourself. And in being you, as you honor your intuition/inner guide, you’ll do what you’re meant to do.
Simple as that.
Except not doing such has consequences too. That’s where the wake-up calls come from, the dis-ease in our bodies letting us know, “no, not this.”
It’s but up to each of us to listen deep and take each step as they come.
If something calls to you, is nudging you and you know it’s the way, go forth. If you’ve been wanting to explore some faction of self you typically hold back – let go and let be.
I’ll walk with you: side-by-side, soul-to-soul.