A Wrinkled Heart: Don’t try and fix it, just feel it.
Posted on June 22, 2016
“Mama, I have a wrinkle in my heart,” my daughter Marlie said, her baby blues locked with mine. I was steps away yet frozen in time as I knew I couldn’t move an inch and break this moment of truth.
“I know, sweetie, my heart is full of wrinkles,” I responded, my voice soft as I knew what was coming.
“It hurts,” she said as one crystalline tear escaped from the corner of her eye.
I wanted to scoop her up, tell her it’s all okay, make her laugh, dance, play… anything but feel what she was feeling…
And yet I knew, feeling is the key. I’ve been trying to learn how to access such within me for the past 6 years.
“I know, I feel it too. But I’ve come to find the only way to unwrinkle your heart, is to feel and let the release of emotion smooth it over.” I shared, aching in knowing this is only the beginning for my 7 year old but seeing myself reflected there within her, recalling feeling the moment the first wrinkle marked my heart human.
A few months ago I found myself at a crossroad, old wounds surfaced and while I was aware of this dormant energy releasing, I also knew that I needed space to sift through the happenings creating a needed safe container to find and center myself in the midst.
The incident has since played in my mind over and over again.
I wanted to know, “Was I wrong?” If so, then I’ll apologize straight away.
I wanted to know, “Was I right?” If so, then I’ll wait for the apology due to me.
Perhaps, there’s a third answer. We’re both right, we’re both wrong and it simply was a lesson for us to own as we navigate through.
A wrinkle in time for our eternal selves to ripple in being.
So often we move through life with wounds that ache, our wrinkled hearts reactive, disconnected from the inner-knowing-intuitive-wholehearted-self and we don’t realize when the wounds have been touched blooming into anger.
How dare you!
How dare one, indeed.
Anger is boundary restoring. It’s labeled as bad – but truly it’s a red flag. Something is not right and your body knows.
It’s begging for your attention, wanting to restore harmony.
True forgiveness can only be redeemed once the belly of the beast is revealed.
The key is to sit with the feeling -try not to act out and hurt another (easier said than done, believe me) -get under it, explore it, get curious and reckon with the story attached as anger is a secondary emotion meaning that it’s not the core of the issue, but the masking of some other emotion you’ve yet to feel.
Grief, pain, isolation, broken-hearted, anxiety, confusion.
There’s something happening under the surface, our human instinct is to label it: good, bad, or ugly.. but it’s neither.
It’s half of one three-halves of another ;)
It’s change, clearing and growth, if you let it. If your ready. I’ve only recently let some emotions smooth out wrinkles from age 7.
Feelings are energy and if not felt, they can tunnel deep and fester, wrinkling your beautiful heart as it hemorrhages, pain your pulse. T he energy it takes to withhold such feeling flow drains you of the very vitality needed for a connected, authentic, vulnerable life.
Buried feelings can arise at the simplest moment, building into a fiery dragon ready to kick ass and take names.
And yet, we come into this world full of love, belonging and connection, wholly who we are.
In growing up we block off, block the flow of love – the most abundant energetic force in the universe.
We disconnect to protect, to disengage and cocoon our vulnerable self. But the tricky fact is that this armor keeps connections from coming in, keeps us from connecting within, until we slowly break down the walls.
This return is a process. It’s the crux of the human saga. As spirit feel, as a human express don’t repress, removing the wrinkles becoming wholehearted, again.
Whole is: the good + the bad + the ugly = beautiful-hot-mess-of-a-truth you are.
You are luminous, awe-inspiring authentic and damn compelling, just as you are.
We don’t need to take concepts, the fix, from our heads to our hearts, there is no rationality or thought that will navigate you out of the labyrinth of emotions; natures guidpost to health and healing, take the knowing your heart and soul has up to your heads and pump that pulse of spirit throughout your body resurrecting and redeeming it in your bones.
You come equipped and already know how to do this, you simply need to remember.
You were born this way.
You don’t need fixing, you need loving and crying and joy and laughing and fiery fury and messy confusion, YOU- the whole you- expressed.