Me, foursided

The vulnerable peace child, the polished sexy scientist, the rockstar calling BS whilst sipping champagne, the playful-spirit winking me. All me.


I have to rip off this blog silence bandaid. The truth is I have a whole lot to say. It’s just the sitting down and getting it right that plagues my ability, the dissection of perfection keeps me from connecting, from hitting publish, from letting go and harnessing the magic inside that is me.


This is something that countless others have said and I’m going to repeat it here.


Be yourself.

Be your true self.


Be fucking you (the version that speaks to me).


It’s the wholehearted truth. And the universe is relentless in sending this lesson because I haven’t fully gotten it yet, it’s not embodied. When I finally recognize this one coming at me,  I groan thinking, “Shit, really?! Again?!”


The answer is really again, the answer is surrender to the whole, the answer is being the light, dark and shadow parts integrated as one.


That’s a lot of answers, but the truth is it means something unique for each one of us. It’s simple but, to me, it sure as hell is not easy.


They say believe it’s easy to create ease. If that were the case, we wouldn’t have mantras reminding us of how it is to be, rather than how it really is. 


If it was easy we wouldn’t have psychologists, counselors, empowerment coaches, spiritual guides, and Sesame Street telling us all to just embrace being ourself.


We’d just be ourself, whole and able to show up vulnerable and all in, authentically running the joint.


When we don’t, there’s usually an underlying reason that points to love. The belief in not being enough or worthy of love. So we contort, we shrink into acceptable versions of ourselves to not lose the likes from others.


Except in not being yourself, you’ve lost all your power, all your magic. You’ve lost you.


And you’ve withheld the ability for others to see you and love you for who you are rather than “like” you for who you think they want you to be.


Hustling for likes is bullshit. Let it go. People can meet you in your truth.


Not all, but you’ll sift through those that can’t finding your tribe. Tribe vibe is love.


This is something that I keep returning to on my journey: the path to authenticity, showing up wholly me, vulnerable and all in. It resurfaces because it’s scary, uncomfortable and I can’t control the outcome.


The truth is the whole me is made up of parts: the peaceful vulnerable child, the polished sexy scientist, the badass calling bullshit and the playful-spirit winking me. They all like their time to shine, but when fully integrated they’re the whole me.


I keep getting this lesson as I keep believing there is a place to arrive where it’ll all come together perfectly and equipped with a red carpet for me to glide in stride. Only that hasn’t happened yet as there is no there.


Life is about infinite growth and expanding, it’s surrendering where you feel you need to be and showing up where you are so you may become.


Life is about the return to yourself, the one born of love and fully whole before growing up in this cruel and beautiful world. No growth, no expansion, no mess, no embracing of it all.. that isn’t living.


And life is meant to be lived.


My wish for you this 2016: be brave, be bold, be you and I hope you glow whole.