I haven’t been here posting as much and it’s taken me a bit to realize that’s okay. We grow, expand and change. I’ve been busy writing the two stories that are nudging me, quite mercilessly, in that they’re ready to fly with wings of their own. I don’t want to be a writer so much as I want to tell stories. So let’s do this.. I wrote the excerpt below last year, but feel it quite fitting for how I’m feeling now. There are no hellos or goodbyes in this endless wake of today. Be brave, be bold, be you and I hope you glow.

goldangel

Image via here

GLOW

Chapter 15:  Evolat Alis Suis

She Flies with Her Own Wings

“Lux, where do you think we go when we die? Do you believe in Heaven or Hell?” So eager his expression, I can feel the intensity of this loaded question. He’s looking for his okay.

“Yes, I believe in an afterlife, but it gets a bit complicated to explain.” I stop and hope that’s enough to satisfy him.

“But don’t you want to know, not theorize or speculate, but KNOW where we go? I’ve always wanted to know Jake is alright…if only… I never got to say goodbye, I never got to tell him how much I love him and that I’m sorry I couldn’t save him. I searched and searched, it was a stupid stupid mistake!” He barely finished those words before his shoulders crumple over, holding his head in his hands, so swiftly removed from mine. I feel as if our connection has been broken; disturbed as the feelings surfacing are too much for him to process and be present here, with me. That feeling of wanting to help, to do anything that might help calm his fears, washes over me.

My wings stir and instantly I know of one thing I can do. To help, even if for a bit, a reveal that some beliefs are true; not simply myths but part of the design.

“Grayson, do you want to know about my glow?” I ask, looking directly at him so he knows I’m serious.

Glancing up his face a mixture of anguish and curiosity. “Ummm, what?” Still looking at me, but waiting.

“My glow, I’ll explain, well… show you.” I feel vulnerable right now. How will he react? If I don’t do it now, I’ll lose my courage.  Sitting down across from him, I tuck my legs in and close my eyes, allowing the outer world to fade away as I connect inward. Settling my breath, I begin to think of home, Lunares, and my celestial family.

Gently I unfurl my wings to a full span, flexing ever so slightly, immediately relaxing as I do this. It feels so liberating to have my wings expanded. It feels different here in the physical plane, more dense, but still I just want to take flight high into the sky as if to catch a falling star, only to pitch it again. I don’t, however, knowing that sudden flight might push Grayson over the edge. Just seeing me here, winged and glowing may trigger an incredulous response. I mean he just kissed me, and now he’s seeing that I’m not a mere mortal, but an angel. Here. On. Earth.

He blinks a few times, then widens his violet eyes “Lux, you have wings…?” as a quizzical expression spreads across his face.

“Yes, I do…” Well, he hasn’t run screaming yet, so this is good.

“Ummm, just give me a second to get my bearings. This is all so surreal. I’m here on Mount Helena with an angel, a glowing angel who is also in my English class.”

I nod silently letting him continue to process this.

A grin slowly spreads as he looks at me, his eyes delving into me. “Can I touch them?” Cautiously his hand reaches out to let me know he’s serious. He stops before me, waiting for my response. I have to admit, I didn’t expect this, I thought he’d ask me to retract them so he could process while they’re safe behind my diamond scroll.

“Yes, Grayson, you may.” I close my eyes as I’ve never had a human touch my wings. I’m not sure how it’ll feel, but I’m thinking it’ll be intense.

He reaches up towards my golden tipped wings, delicately running his had through them, like softly strumming guitar strings. “Do you feel that?  I mean does it hurt or tickle?”

“I feel it yes, but not so much a tickle, but what it feels like when someone slides their fingers through your hair. It feels good. In the angelic realms, there’s nothing to touch, but more sense energetically. There’s no need for tangible in the cosmic flux of the Heavenly spheres.

“Wow, yeah, you lost me Lux. It’s hard to open one’s mind further than the experiences I’ve had. But I’m trying, I am, please know that. “

“Good point, here, let’s try this. Close your eyes. “  I settle my gaze on him hoping he still trusts me to stand there with his eyes closed. Sometimes one just needs a little nudge in the right direction when expanding one’s mind. As the seconds tick by, I worry that I went too far. “I suppose you may not feel comfortable now…”

“Nonsense, Lux, I’ve trusted you from the very beginning. There’s always been this innate feeling like even though we just met, that I’ve known you always. You are the exception to the rule, and that is what draws me to you.”

“Yes, I feel the same pull, like opposite polarities in a rhythmic dance. Being around you just feels, right.”  Which is a foreign feeling. That feeling of home, here on Earth, of belonging and that my very place is to be here, in this moment.

His eyes never leave mine as he slowly closes his, showing me he trusts. He looks like a warrior angel sans wings with the moon reflecting off him. I want to reach out but hold back, hoping to be still as I move closer, but in a 90 degree angle from where I was previous.

“I want you to tell me where I’m standing, reach your hand in my direction, then count to ten and reach out again, and again.”

“Okay, this sounds interesting, but I’m game.” He chuckles, bringing his palm a few inches from my face, I move another few feet and turn. He counts, moves and reaches out again, his hand is a few inches from my face, I step closer so that his hand can feel my cheek. Cupping gently he cradles my face, slowly opening his eyelids and smiles.

“Even though we weren’t touching, nor did you hear my voice, you knew where I was. You could sense my presence. The spiritual realms are more like that.”

“Yes, but you glow, Lux, I bet I could feel that like the heat from a light bulb.”

“True, but you have a glow too, you know.” I smile as I know he won’t believe me.

“Ah, I see. Hmm, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen myself glow, Lux. I’m not trying to be difficult, but I truly don’t see light in me. I don’t see what you see.”

I can’t help but feel for Grayson, if he only knew how much light there is around him. Spheres dancing like atoms bouncing about. So many just think of light as in, visible light, but that is but a mere fraction of the full spectrum of energy, and he is, all are, living light. The light that casts no shadow.

“Perhaps someday, Grayson, you’ll not only see your light, but you’ll sense it and begin to use it like another appendage.” I look at him, hoping he’ll tuck that away and remember this when he’s ready.

“Haha, okay, if you say so, Lux.” Pulling his hand away from my cheek, I still feel his warmth there; he left a little of his glow with me.