Posted on January 10, 2014
It’s my two year anniversary with WordPress!! I only know this because the little icon on my dashboard told me so. I know, I know my dear blog, I’m sorry. I don’t even remember the exact date we met. But I DO remember my first post, however, I suppose that’s because all I need to do is click the archive. Anyway… don’t think I forgot about you readers, I truly cannot express how much I appreciate y’all stopping by. So much has happened in such a short time, I can only imagine how time has shaped your lives as well.
This has been a wonderful place for me to share and write. My whole life I’ve had this inner dream to write, but my inner critic whittled that away as I approached adulthood. I remember wrestling with if I should seek that which calls my heart or the predetermined path in front. Knowing, somehow, that the path to happiness resided within the path withe heart. Instead I turned away from the call and kept walking, silent and asleep. This blog, writing and the ability to open up are a result of turning back inward, allowing my voice to find form. It’s just sometimes hard to let her speak. Let me explain. I’m a pharmacist working in clinical hospital informatics (ahem, nerd) I hide behind my intellect and academia. I also seem to have a wildly imaginative romantic inner self. Sometimes she gets me into trouble, sometimes she feels and says things that my logical self doesn’t want to acknowledge… you know, things like this:
In the depths of ones memory, the recesses of ones mind, as soul, we shine with no knowledge but knowing for we have all but forgotten this other half that silently speaks from the center of ones being. I am one of many but part of the Whole, connected as ONE in a matrix that knows no substance. The thing that makes us the same is we are all different expressions in physicality; the thing making us feel different is forgetting we are of the same spirit, same light, same love. Until the time we FEEL one’s spirit, one’s light, one’s love; like waves washing up along the shore, the gentle embrace of the tide coming home, the recognition I am another you.
So many aspects of nature and life are allowed to flourish despite differences. There are a multitude of flowers each unique in color, scent and shape. And yet we want people to conform to our belief, our truth as we’re so moved by what it has done for us. We could come together with the commonalities rather than focusing on the differences.
My Beloved, our spirits have always known, but this human longs for your touch, never have I found myself so thirsty for the quench that you bring for in each others presence time fades away and we settle like twin stars reflecting back the beauty of just being, sharing, living, learning, loving.
Oh the loving, for you fill me up by reflecting the wholeness I possess, for in your heart I am whole, complete. Divine love for which you spring eternally, into my heart like a river to the ocean, endlessly.
But this sad human framed mind knows not that which my soul knows and heart feels, for the passions remain untamed and loneliness does break my feeble mind trying to escape as you caress me with your words, embrace me with your heart of no form, you reach across this peceived distance of time and space revealing to me, that which is already known, already felt…
That we are one.
You’ve woken me from my slumber love, your eyes reflect the quiet passions of this place where wanderers still roam free with the knowing between you and me, that we are always and forever, beloveds.
…I am a woman, a little girl, I’m the softness of my locks, I’m the curve of my hips, my dimples when I smile, the creases forming around my eyes from smiling so much, I am the stretch in my muscles as I dance, I am the dance and the dance me, I’m a mother, I’m a divorcee, I’m a clinical pharmacist, I’m an aspiring writer, I’m a divine feminine promoter, I’m love and light, I am spirit in physicality, I’m a crystalline tear and the flutter of laughter, I’m the blush that slowly spreads when I’m embarrassed, I am a special kind of pretty, I’m empathic, I’m psychic, I’m a bright constellation of my hopes and dreams, I’m a wisher, a prayer, I’m a storyteller as I weave my golden tales … I am water, my mass, DNA and RNA, cytoplasm, tissues, organs and cells, I am my atoms, I am the space between, I am my aura/my emotions/my thoughts, I am the byproduct of my soul’s expression.. and as I navigate my path, just like the keys of this laptop shall be forever imprinted with my fingertips, my unique expression.. so too is this special being imprinted with the snow flake pattern of my soul… unfolding as I speak, type, think and express…
I don’t know why I feel I must reconcile these to facets in life, other than, I think many are. There is so much information about creativity, the need for being creative and allowing our minds to expand as we let the possibilities flow in. My logical self is linear and connects the dots, to make sense. My emotional self seeks new dots out, not worried about making sense, but living for adventure and discovery while charting new territories melding my outer and inner world.
I stated that my New Year’s intention is to be me. The thing is, in being me, there’s a whole host of things I typically ignore or don’t allow because it’s not in alignment with how others see me, or the shoulds in life.
Life is too short to live for others approval and validation. The thing with shoulds is they’re like little rabid pac mans that will gobble up all your efforts as you run the maze, keeping you busy as you munch all your seconds, minutes, hours until little time is left and you’re exhausted. Rather than that race, why not let your self be who you are when you let your self be?
“What if the question is not why am I so infrequently the person I really want to be, but why do I so infrequently want to be the person I really am?” ~ Oriah Mountain Dreamer
That’s a very important question to ask. Why not be me? I like chandeliers and starry nights; Urban Fantasy novels and neuroscience; The Vampire Diaries and Super Soul Sunday; champagne and mineral water; silly games with my daughter and serious debates; spending time in my art room creating and walking with my dog; yoga and running; W magazine and Scientific American; I adore handbags and sunglasses and shellac manicures; I’m a book nerd who recycles everything possible and I live for concerts so I can experience the music; I long for sun soaked beach getaways and j’adore Paris; I like pink and black and gold; I find the spiritual traditions fascinating while NASA APOD leaves me awestruck with the beauty. I mean just look at the COSMOS! And I’m a part of it, the little pieces of me I’ve shared above are expressions of the whole of me. And the whole of me is a part of the cosmos, of all that is and that will be. The aspects don’t need to make sense, or be connected, but I am left breathless with each new dot discovery. For who am I but an ethereal being changing with the slightest cosmic flux.
Four years ago I met a man, Ames, who gave me some of the wisest advice I still hold close.
Be yourself, your true self, no matter what obstacles lie in your path and you’ll find you flow around those who dismiss your truths and into the arms of those who have been waiting for them. Love finds love even when met with opposition.
Be brave, be bold, be you….and I hope you glow.