How I Wonder What You Are
Posted on March 12, 2013
Have you ever wished upon a falling star? Do you ever look up at the night sky in wonder? Do you know we’re all stardust? It’s true. The same atoms that once comprised giant stars are within each of us. The next time you look at the cosmos, rather than feeling like a tiny speck in the universe, realize you’re part of the universe just as much as it’s a part of you.
Along with star gazing to connect, I read poetry. Rumi, Rainer Maria Rilke, Hafiz, Robert Frost, Maya Angelou, Emily Dickinson are a few of my favorites. Their words roll around in my head as my heart swells to feel just what they were feeling while laying down the lines. I adore many of the writings of Oriah Mountain Dreamer, the italicized quote below is one of my favorite excerpts from Oriah’s book The Dance. She always begins her dainty books with a poem and then proceeds to flesh out the concise text into explanations, rounded out beliefs or experiences leading to such sentiment. You could think of it as beginning with right brain inspiration and then translating to left brain for easier access of the message.
Oriah expresses not wanting more of heroic tales, but to know what holds you through as you meet your imperfect human self. Calling this “fragile beauty of your own humanness”, I’d like to clarify that in my belief, I feel our fragile humanness is our strength. Don’t confuse as frail. To me, there’s a distinction, frail describes weak whereas fragile denotes the ability to be broken. Even the strongest materials can be broken and this has nothing to do with frailty. What can be broken can also be mended, in the alchemy of love I feel the healing brings greater strength as we look to the world through a compassionate heart, experienced in the art of being human. I think it’s of utmost strength to be vulnerable, knowing that my wholeheartendess can not exceed my willingness to be brokenhearted as said by Brené Brown.
I’ve always written poetry, a form of expression for what was originally inexpressible as I didn’t want to face how I felt. But late at night it would come fearlessly flowing onto college lined spiral notebooks, pouring out as if the simple act of me finally laying script to paper was letting go of what was inside, beginning the healing process as I shift through the changing inner landscapes of my life. For most of that life my poetry has remained a bit of a secret, sharing is like wearing my heart on my sleeve. It’s me raw and untempered for all to see into my eyes, the windows to my soul.
“Poetry is the opening and closing of a door, leaving those who look through to guess about what was seen during a moment.” ~Carl Sandburg
While I won’t tell you warrior stories, I will share with you a slice of my ordinary courage. Brené Brown illuminates on her blog the etymology of courage as a word with roots in the heart as “cor” is Latin for heart. Courage used to mean “to speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart”. Being brave, heroic deeds of risking one’s life can be important, but so can facing and taming fears as one stares down anything but love that surfaces.
One night I wished upon a falling star, and in that fragile moment I greeted myself, the perfectly-imperfect- unfinished -work-in-progress me and was met with love staring back. The stardust that I am saw the falling star as the same and we were one for a moment, burning the past, opening up the present, birthing a new beginning – the Phoenix’s glittering reflection.
How do you express the otherwise inexpressible? What do you connect with and instantly feel like a part of the greater whole than your defined self?
How I Wonder What You Are…
I wish I had been more aware
Of the ache within me for you to embrace me
Me as I am, the whole of me
My depths are too deep sometimes and others retreat to the shallow
I’m just too much sometimes, even for myself
Only now allowing what holds me when I cannot hold myself
To permeate my being
I wish I had felt you pull away before the anger bloomed
Before words cut like a razor’s beam
No longer palm to palm
No roses dealt in rainbow flow
But I was reaching out as you pulled away
And gave you the perfect play
I wish I had been more aware of my fragile humanness
But as unexpected as this end
Is the strength to begin
To let my soul shine
May you find yours too my love
We never said this would be easy
And life is oh so messy
I just wish we weren’t the casualty
I wish I had handled it differently
I floated in my hammock that night
The tears flowing from within
And wished upon a falling star
The Phoenix’s glittering reflection
No angel message this time
But one of cosmic proportions
Sometimes you have to destroy what was
Before you can ever be
There are no hellos or goodbyes
In this endless wake of today
And sometimes an ending is necessary
For a new beginning to come our way