Death, Dancing in the Rain, and Angels
Posted on March 31, 2012
While dancing in the rain at the dog park today, which was more a marsh, I let my mind wander and my limbs sway and flow to the rhythm in my heart. It was so liberating to finally be stretching beyond the logic I use for my career all the while delighting in dancing while the rain softly fell. I was relieved to finally become aware of the fact that I’m restless as I have not been writing. I have not allowed the boundaries of my mind to bend in the endlessness that it is.
Writing is an outlet and without that outlet there is only the build up of pressure. When I express I’m giving form to my voice and this blog is an extension of that.
Lately I’ve been silent, I’ve been reflective, I’ve been reading, I’ve been drinking wine and watching belly dancers, I’ve been waiting, for what I’m not sure. I’ve been busy, I’ve been sleeping more, I’ve been wondering… just what is my blog about?
As if writing isn’t enough, I need a goal in mind don’t I? A reason for y’all to stop by.
Cooking? DIY? Sharing the Truth with others? Weaving in excerpts of the stories I’m writing?
Just what is this blog about?
I recently was enamored with another blog, the author in the “about me” portion stated she wanted others to get to know her and that’s why she started blogging.
I was struck by that comment as when I look back at what I’ve shared, getting to know me is part of the intent, the me I’m still getting to know, however, in truth I think we begin to know more about ourselves in getting to know another.
We grow in exposing ourselves to things we wouldn’t normally do/seek/question, or open ourselves up to an experience because someone we know has done something similar. Those who are drawn here I’m hoping that in reading about my renaissance life, my opening up to what has come my way, that you may get to know something about yourself in the process.
I’m not a superstar, I’m not super fancy nor am I a beacon of “woohoo, I’ve found the way, the answers, the Truth, the light of life come follow me…”
I’m a bit more like “Wow it took me that many times for a lesson to repeat before I finally learned it?!?!”
Perhaps in sharing my truth, it can help you find yours, help you crack open your life a little bit or get to know yourself better in getting to know me.
I’m a healthcare professional wanting to write, I had the universe smack me upside the head to ensure I began living the life I was born to live, the one dwelling in my heart rather than weighed and measured in my head. Life, how fast time ticks by.
A friend passed away this week and, to be honest, I knew before anyone told me. My thoughts turned to him and while I took note, I did not understand the meaning of those thoughts of him until later. I was busy. I was watching a glassmaker with my daughter…
His death brought to surface the feelings I had with others who have passed on. That’s what death does; it reminds us of our own mortality, that of others still with us, or the dear ones who have already dealt their deck.
I was reminded of my uncle Bill who passed away two years ago in February. I had just begun to open myself up to the things happening to me. I hopped a plane with my almost 2-year-old daughter and flew to my home state to be with family. In reality, I was leaving to find some space for the thoughts now in my head. A direction unfolding in myself I never thought I’d take. Mars kept me busy, but I was still very much in my head, weighing and measuring while intuitively I knew what I needed to do. I said goodbyes to my uncle knowing he was around us all during this time. When I returned home he came to me in a dream, there was a shift in the dream where it went from chaotic nonsense to Bill showing me the program for his memorial… he was pointing at a name, Eschiel. That was not a name that belonged on there. I woke up right at that point, I feel so I would remember it. I then wrote it down in my journal as our memories change and morph as we do over time.
Eschiel is an angel and to be honest in finding out who or what he represents, I still don’t know the meaning of this other than a message from my uncle. This name was one I’ve never seen or known before but the reveal was in alignment with the angel theme that so newly entered my life.
I had previously thought angels were Christmas tree toppers and characters that sometimes came into our bible stories, but more a pass-over than anything to give extra thought to.
Until my story, until my uncle, until seeing an angel myself…
Yes, I’ve seen an angel and have to admit I’ve never been filled with such love other than the time I held my daughter at birth. I had an argument with Elijah and the celestial messenger came to let me know all would be okay. I had to wonder, and still do, why would an argument necessitate such intervention? He and I had just met, we were beginning to share and I believe had not cemented the foundation of how our interaction would shape our lives. As such I needed a little extra nudge in the right direction.
The angel I saw was not a human with wings, it was much like the butterfly nebula I adore, it was iridescent pinks, greens and white in the shape of an angel. I tried to take a picture but I was filled with the knowing “this is for you”. I haven’t told many I’ve seen an angel, but the feeling to look up was one I could’ve easily missed had I not been working on listening to my intuition, the silent whispering or nudging to do something that wasn’t consciously thought, but felt right.
Just like dancing in the rain felt right tonight rather than a well thought out thought. My boots are soaked, my sweatshirt splashed with a little mud…but I’m writing and the restlessness is abating as I’m here sharing a little bit of my renaissance life.