Posted on March 7, 2012
“What’s all the colors in your voice, it’s like you’ve been leading something?” ~Elijah 11/3/2010
“…I smile because one day the storm will pass and leave a rainbow coming forth from my mouth. I will shed light on the world and they will understand. I may be a broken winged dove now, but one day I will soar above and teach everyone what I am too scared to do myself now. To Love, to Forgive, to Understand, three things that are necessary, but I’m still too sore to fully accomplish…” ~Kristy 2/3/1998
I have a new vice and it’s the television show The Voice. I hardly watch T.V. anymore other than the Vampire Diaries (the show helped propel me to finally start writing, and thus like family, as well as who wouldn’t like looking at Damon) and Chelsea Handler when I need a laugh. I’m thrilled to have a new show that is so much fun. The Voice episodes record on my DVR when they air, then I catch up when I can get to it. Tonight was the beginning of the battles where team members were paired by their coach with the hopes of shrinking the number of contestants in half. There are 4 coaches and I’m sure Adam Levine and Blake Shelton have something to do with my interest. Adam, with his lovely tattoos and smile that just melts me, is quite the foil for Blake with his southern charm and love of [country] singing telling a story *sigh*. Mars and I like to watch the show together; she is growing in her interest of music and will let me know when she wants to hear something again or does not like a song. Sometimes she’ll even go to the stereo and turn it up then dance her heart out, or surreptitiously turn some of my faves down (and then blames Bentley, our dog!). The last episode we watched together, we were sick but uplifted by the music, decked out in our jammies topped off with elastic headbands around our heads (looking very hippy-ish) and tapping our drumsticks on our coffee table while listening to the contestants reach for their dreams; singing their hearts out. I have to admit sometimes I could almost see their dreams too. Which is the draw, seeing another go for it (and on television none-the-less).
Anyway, while watching tonight there was a classically trained vocalist paired with young woman who had a big voice fueled by her emotions and passion. It was very interesting to hear the two talk of their “competition” and the twist in this is that they duet, like meld and perform together but really are vying for their spot next week. The fellow was worried about his technical opera voice, he’s so trained that Lionel Ritchie told him to get out of his head “that the level of perfection he strives for is above what is needed or desired, and the imperfections are the ones we’re looking for. Get used to that part of you- that’s the magic.” The young woman countered “I’m not classically trained, I don’t know how to read music, I have trouble with harmony… I have my work cut out for me.” But this is the voice, and she has a voice she but needs to be comfortable with herself too and not be intimidated by those classically trained.
I have to admit I feel like the young woman and the classically trained vocalist, as in much of what I write and discuss didn’t come from being trained or years of learning and didactic preparation. Much of my path found me and continues with my following my intuition and guidance, and while I too have learned that my imperfections are often what draw people to me just as much as what I do “right”, I’ve grown comfortable with that part of me, that IS me and where my magic resides as well.
The above quote in italics is a little pearl I was lead back to in November of 2010 after Elijah made the comment to me. It’s from my sophomore year in college and quite an insight into what I’m living now. The odd thing is when reading the whole journal entry there is almost a shift in consciousness as right before the excerpt shared above, and I’ll share the full excerpt later, I am complaining about my English class and my professor and then right after I lament about what party to go to the coming weekend (yeah, I know pretty heavy stuff! LOL). I’m not sure what surprises me, what I wrote or the fact I found it 12 years later. I found it because I was looking for a poem I wrote that was in the same journal, and I was looking for it as I could not stop thinking about it, hearing “The Gilded Truffle” in my mind. I’ve been spotty in my writing the past 20 years but am being guided to the breadcrumbs I left to help me find my way back all the while continuing forward on my path, however perfectly imperfect, it’s me and somehow it seems I’ve always known of where I am to be, in this moment, this breath, this renaissance life of mine.
I’m listening to Miranda Lambert and I’ve adored her since first being introduced to her on Nashville Star. I couldn’t believe it when she came in third, fast forward 7 years or so and now she’s a Grammy winning female vocalist. Her voice is an expression of her heart, her soul and southern roots-I adore southern! I like to sing myself, but it’s more in the shower or with my little one. When I was younger I sang a lot, but was channeled or guided into more appropriate expressions, it’s only more recently that I’ve been finding that voice again too.
The House that Built Me
“You leave home and you move on
and you do the best you can
I got lost in this old world and forgot who I am
I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I could walk around I swear I’ll leave
Won’t take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me”