The Expression Of Self, The Expansion of Happiness
Posted on February 2, 2012
“Every object, every being is a jar full of delight. Be a connoisseur and taste with caution.” ~Rumi
I was recently introduced to Pinterest, a website that taps into the creative outlet of expression via pictures. Tiny polaroids that capture the essence the moment exactly as one wants to share. Then you assemble on boards with crafted titles and witty descriptions.
When I was in High School I used to cut images out of magazines as well as unique words and then assemble as collages for notebooks, binders or little boxes/vessels that I would give away to friends and family. I used scissors and modge podge then, however, now the glue holding things together seems virtual and yet there is a reality in the matrix bringing us together, here and now.
I am amazed at the outlets available to us now for expression of self, for expansion of happiness. From blogging, to social networking, tweeting, experience sites for anonymous sharing or vicariously living… I remember when the internet wasn’t a web entangling you as your hours slip away chatting here, reading there, uploading and downloading simultaneously, the pulse of the world at ones fingertip as shopping is but a click away, wanting to know who said “There is geometry in the humming of the strings…there is music in the spacing of the spheres” seconds from becoming a permanent factoid in your databank, or a “place” where you can instantly purchase a song/playlist off iTunes or go watch the video on youtube.
While I like this connectedness I find sometimes I long for a conversation versus chat or text, I prefer to write with a fountain pen and paper rather than type on this Mac, feel and touch the magazine rather than view it, receive a hug rather than two yellow smiley faces simulating a hug (like PacMan meets Barney)…
I’m not old but when I reminisce about these things I feel a little older in that I can stand from my vantage point now and remember the pinnacles of change in this lifetime that only seem to be picking up momentum as we continue our spiraling out in technology, in consciousness resulting in my drawing a part of myself inward as I outwardly expand and express that self’s discoveries and journey.
A New Day ~by me
Yesterday has left
Leaving some wisdom behind
For we learned from our mistakes
And enjoyed the good times
Tomorrow is fresh
A clean white page
Containing no blemishes
Nor mistakes made
Yet today is hopeful
For the results depend
On what we do
And how we feel in the end
So smile, smell the flower
Feel the warmth, love, live
Enjoying all around
And what it has to give
With that, I’m very thankful to have this opportunity to share my jar full of delight even if it’s on a “page” with my visage on it, but who knows…maybe someday we’ll find ourselves around a bonfire recounting stories and memories rather than posting or replying. ‘Til then, happy reading my friends and thanks for stopping by…
I gaze in the bathroom mirror wishing my fairy godmother could just come, wave her wand and voila I’d be dressed and ready to go to the Halloween Carnival. I’m still a bit worried about dressing as an angel. I mean it technically isn’t even dressing up and seems so safe. I was all ready to put on my witch costume, when Celeste took one look at it and pulled it out of my hands. She went into her closet and pulled out a thin, tulle dress with a hood and short sleeves, much like our traditional everyday dress on Erelim.
“Hey Lux, let me see you in the dress.” Celeste calls from her room. I can see her reflected in the mirror. Lucky her, she gets to wear the same costume as all the Cadette’s, a cat suit. Tight black lycra topped off with a whip for her to wield. I still am unsure as to why she needs the whip, I mean this is a High School Halloween Carnival, not some circus act. But I guess it does look great. With her knee high boots adding a few more inches, she looks like a feline giant. Her green eyes glowing against the dark contrast.
“No, it’s too short and I think it’s see through and my hair is all twisted up!” frustrated I pull the ponytail holder out of my hair. What a mop. It’s neither straight nor curly, but just frizzy.
“Hang on Lux, I’ll be there in a sec.”
The dress isn’t that bad, but hardly the safe black dress I was going to wear as a witch. In this dress my arms will be exposed, but, with no sunlight in the gymnasium, I shouldn’t be afraid of my scrolls illuminating. In Erelim, we are all marked with fine script much like tattoos, only these we’re born with marking us from creation with our innate abilities and talents. When light shines on them there is a faint sheen that can be seen by the human eye. Pushing that worry aside I pull on my ankle boots as that will cover the other, less conspicuous scrolls; three gold lines and one silver. The highest ranking of angels before entering the primary sphere, reserved for seraphims, cherubins and thrones.
“Lux, what are you wearing, you’re never gonna get attention in that!”
“Maybe I don’t want attention, I’d really rather blend in. You know not draw attention to myself to help with my celestial carnation”
“Well you don’t need to look like a nun.” Celeste amusingly replies as she pulls up my hem a few inches securing with a few gold safety pins. She pulls my hood off exposing my mop.
“Oh Lux, what will we DO with your hair..hmmm…I know.” she brushes through my hair getting out all the tangles. Starting on the left she starts a French braid and wraps this around my head, securing it on the right side with a bobby pin.
“There, much better. Now, for your face. At least you have a good complexion and coloring.” She smiles at this as she knows that’s one of the only compliments I allow people to pay without my protests.
“Thanks, I credit cetaphil and great genes.” I can’t contain my laughter as we both know there are no genes involved in our beings. Celeste just rolls her eyes and runs to her room. She returns with a tackle box like contraption filled with glitter, creams, fluffy brushes and powder. She studies me as if I’m a blank canvas waiting for her masterpiece to reveal itself. I can’t help but worry that I’ll end up looking more like a raccoon than angel.
“Ok Lux, stand still and stop teetering on those boots you’ll end up with a brush in your eye and these are expensive brushes.”
“I’ll do my best but you know I don’t like all this fussy stuff.” I sit on the toilet and let her poke, prod, smear and smudge. I could never find the patience for applying makeup; mascara and gloss are about as far as I’ll go.
“Girls, are you about done…I need to be there by 8 for my shift in the Jail.” Skyler calls up from downstairs. Sure, he’s ready. He only has to wear this leather warrior costume that the football team provided. No makeup or hairdo needed.
“Hang on Skyler, you know it takes time to get Lux presentable for special occasions, even if it is Halloween.” Celeste jokingly replies. Only I’m not so sure she’s kidding, as she is giving me a look as if things just aren’t looking “right”. I then see a light go on in her eyes as she pulls out this gold shimmery powder. She expertly sweeps both eyelids. I am sure I look like a raccoon only when I look in the mirror I’m surprised to see that my face is “glowing” from all the shimmer and glitter.
“Wow, doesn’t even look like me.” It doesn’t either. Without the frizzy hair my face stands out a bit more. My face looks like a porcelain doll with bright blue eyes framed with gold. I touch my face half thinking this is all a mirage, only it isn’t.
“Thanks Celeste.” I reach over and give her a hug. The final piece to my costume is really more of a joke. It’s a white feathered caplet that ties at my neck, my wings. My real wings I keep tucked away, but when needed I just unfurl them which is more a reflex than action. Most tasks are a bit daunting if our wings were always free but they’re there when I need them.
“No problem, now if Gracon doesn’t notice he’s not worth your time. Ok enough hugging, you’ll ruin my costume and cats don’t need gold shimmery dust.” Walking out she turns and gives me her trademark grin. I didn’t realize she noted my interest in Gracon.
“Let’s go meet some earth boys and have fun!” moving her eyebrows up and down…so silly.
“All right, I suppose we should go now.” With one last glance in the mirror, I’m off down the stairs only to run into Skyler on last step.
“Hey, I’m ready…” I look up at him, being so tall even though I’m one step above he still towers over me.
He just looks me up and down…slowly, making me uncomfortable. I realize that my costume is a bit of a stretch, I can’t pull off sexy, but maybe pretty…or cute…who am I kidding? I shouldn’t have let Celeste go all out. I look ridiculous. I tug at the hemline trying to cover more leg and feel myself wobble off the step only to feel Skyler’s arms wrap around me in a vice like grip. His own crystal blue eyes mere millimeters from mine, so serious so deep.
“You underestimate yourself all the time, Lux. Don’t you see you for who you are, a true Dominion Angel.” He says is with such reverence it makes me sick to my stomach. He’s so close I can feel his breath tickling my neck as he slowly exhales.
“Skyler, those types of things don’t matter here, I’m just a senior at Central West…remember.” I roll my eyes and wiggle my way out of his embrace. He’s always so serious and looking at me like I’m not the same Lux who used to play Trinity with Skyler as young angels
“Let’s go before it gets too late and they won’t let us in the doors!” I gently tug him along only to catch Aunt Oriana and Uncle Orleys appreciative glances as we walk out the door. I hear Uncle Orley start to say my parents would be proud only to feel him immediately erase that thought not realizing I already heard…why would he hide that I wonder. I feel slight twinge in my heart then th butterflies in my stomach, my first Halloween party on earth and I am not so sure how it will go.
Celeste is already in the 4runner impatiently stepping on the gas.
“Get in, we’re running late thanks to Lux taking so long to get ready.” She winks at me and articulates the thought, Gracon better thank me later. Just kidding Lux, but you do look great…if I say so myself.
“Thanks, but you’re just being nice because you want to go and don’t want me to run in and change my costume to the witch costume I had picked out!” Seriously, a green face, black dress and witches hat would be much more comfortable than the drafty dress, heeled boots and shimmery makeup. I lean back in my seat looking out the sunroof still amazed at how many stars can be seen here. Definitely understand why Montana is called the Big Sky state. The only thing obstructing the view of stars are the mountains off in the perimeter, the Rockies…so majestic.