Today is Mother’s day and it marks my 11th anniversary in becoming a mother. My daughter turned 11 this past Wednesday and other than wondering where the time went, I noted the double meaning. 11:11 are numbers that you can find numerous hits on a google search to find the meaning. Often, I see repeating numbers. Whether on the clock, license plates, or as totals for purchases. But 11:11 has been around for me for quite a bit longer than the past decade. The old me, had no room for signs, synchronicities or soul. The new me, understands the relationship between all three.
Tucked away, I have a tape I saved with a song titled: 11:11. To explain, my then boyfriend (my daughter’s dad) and I found ourselves two nights in a row, on the same bend in the road in our college town at the same time: 11:11. We both noticed it and remarked of the coincidence. He then wrote and recorded the song for me. Yes, it was just as magical and meaningful as it sounds. I haven’t thought about that in ages, until now on this day of 11 years in being a mother to an 11 year old child.
I used to lament about how wrong I got my life. However, in my belief, to have the synchronous moment way back in the car with my now ex-husband and to fast forward to today, I didn’t get anything wrong. I was right where I needed to be, all the along the way. This can be hard to swallow as the past decade of my life has unfolded in a way that has been equally fascinating and joyous as it has been riddled with pain and grief. I feel we need to redefine what it means to be living the life meant for us. It doesn’t mean that it’s perfect, it just means it’s perfect for us in the moments it’s existing now. The now, however, can turn inside out as you live into the newly aligned.
I used to be so concerned about where I was headed that I didn’t enjoy where I already was. Life passed me by as I only lived the length. But it’s important to live in the depths too. On this Mother’s day, snuggled up with my daughter and our kitten, Binks, I felt the circuitous nature of life. I was reminded of years ago, soon after my divorce, when I was on this same couch with my three-year old daughter and our dog, Bentley. I had one hand on each and really settled into the feeling that this is my family. This is my life, now.
I felt that depth again today. It’s not that I haven’t felt it in the past years, it’s more that I’m feeling the significance of it on this day, my 11th year as a mother to my 11 year old daughter. It took so much courage for me to dive out of the known into the unknown back then. I had the shakiest legs with life as I tried this new way of being.
11:11 in angel or aligned numbers means that you are one with life and with all that is. It’s the sign that you should live in the light that surrounds you and experience a relationship with the divine.
Life is relationship. Our connection to ourselves as a spiritual being in the physical is a relationship and we’re here to experience that. I feel that synchronicities or the divine’s little blips are to help wake us up to something more than the daily reality we’ve become accustomed to.
I was at a BBQ yesterday chatting with many mothers. I shared that I wrote a book, which always seems to spark interest. They asked how I had time for that? I responded that firstly, I have one child. And secondly, I made the time as I followed my intuition and divine signs. I shared about how I reconnected with my intuition years ago when I became a mother and that it’s been guiding me since. One mother mentioned how a few years back, after her second child, she felt like she got guidance, but that now she received nothing. I politely disagreed. I told her that guidance isn’t always stars aligning but daily moments that are meant to whisper and nudge us. I shared that having three children is a lot of work and that she always has access to the intuitive nature she possesses, but that it may not be the time for her to do different things, yet.
Living the life meant for us can mean living in the season we are in now, even if it doesn’t feel special. Or even if it was what was meant then, but not what is meant for you now. This is what I have come to believe with my previous life, previous marriage, and previous me.
I can look back on my life and realize now that even the marriage that ended in divorce, even the dreams that I buried for decades, and the love I withheld from myself, were always part of this life I’m living now as I lived into rediscovering who I am again and again and again. A friend of mine says that what is meant for us doesn’t miss us. I believe that’s true, as long as we turn our head and heart to the light and live in relationship both the mundane and divine.